I’ve been involved in skepticism for a long time now. I’ve been on the board of the the Merseyside Skeptics Society for ten years and a co-host of Skeptics with a K for nine years. I’ve even been Deputy Editor of this magazine for three years. In all this time of actively researching some of the more ridiculous pseudoscientific claims out there, one of the things I enjoy coming back to time and time again are the use of crystals.
Crystals epitomise many of the appeals of pseudoscience. They’re natural, they’re ancient, they’re beautiful, they’re accessible and they’re easy. Speak to anyone who endorses the use of crystals as a way of healing and supporting your body and they’ll tell you that different crystals have different properties and can be used for different purposes. They’re a quick fix for your anxiety problems, they’ll bring you good luck for that job interview, they’ll even cleanse your chakras…
So here are my top five worst ‘uses’ for crystals.
1. The Jade Egg
This item hit headlines worldwide when Gwyneth Paltrow herself endorsed the use of jade eggs through her popular ‘wellness’ website, GOOP. The jade egg is a small piece of jade, shaped like an egg, that proponents recommend people who have a vagina should hold inside of their vagina. This ancient practice is recommended for supporting and training the pelvic floor or Kegel muscles. Jade is said to have properties which allow it to cleanse negative energy from the centre of “intuition, power, and wisdom” – the vagina.
It should be said that not only is the use of jade for this is completely unsupported by the scientific evidence, it might also be actively detrimental for users. According to Dr Jen Gunter, gynaecologist and all-round gem (pun intended…) jade is particularly porous and therefore carrying a crystal inside the body can lead to bacterial infections developing in the vagina. Not to mention that over-enthusiastic Kegel training can actually cause pelvic pain for some women.
- Claim: “Jade eggs can help cultivate sexual energy, clear chi pathways in the body, intensify femininity, and invigorate our life force. To name a few!”
- Cost: A jade egg from GOOP will set you back $66
- Why not? at worst it might lead to vaginal infections and pelvic pain at best, you’ve wasted your money on something that doesn’t work
2. Crystal Bed Therapy
At a New York City Wellness Centre called Modrn Sanctuary, you can immerse yourself in a crystal and energy bath using their Sensory 7 Energy Bath. For this experience you lay on an infrared biomat (whatever one of those is) with 17 layers of healing and immune system enhancing materials (apparently) and experience some ‘sound therapy’ from the sound system around the bed, ‘vibration therapy’ from the biomat, chromotherapy (which basically just means they will use coloured LED lighting to ‘adjust the vibrational frequencies in the body’) while zapping you with ‘frequencies’ and magnets to provide quantum magnetic pulses and frequency harmonising. Yes, it really is a bed combining all of the pseudoscience.
In addition to all of this there are seven Vogel-cut quartz crystals which will apparently combine frequencies from the frequency generator, UV laser energy from the infrared biomat and the magnetic energy which apparently cancel each other out to leave TESLA ENERGY. Which is focused through the crystals into your chakras.
- Claim: Health! Wellness! Magic Tesla Energy…
- Cost: $150 for one 60-minute session
- Why not? It shouldn’t do you any real harm, but you’ll be $150 and an hour of time down
3. Crystal Facial Roller
Facial rolling particularly with jade or rose quartz rollers is becoming increasingly popular in the beauty world. The premise is simple – you massage your face with a crystal roller. There are two suggested benefits from this. Firstly, believers claim that the massage of the face is good for reducing puffiness, preventing wrinkles and enhancing the skin. Secondly, some people believe that different crystals are imbued with different properties. So, jade is claimed to be a particularly cleansing stone and rose quartz apparently opens up the heart chakra bringing you love. There is, of course, no evidence that a) crystals have these properties, b) the body has any way, by chakras or any other means, of responding to these types of energy or c) that crystals have any ability to heal the body.
It seems slightly more plausible that massage of the skin might have some benefit in smoothing the skin however research shows that any benefit from facial massage is only subjective. A study of 142 women who received facial massage at beauty parlours showed that one third of patients had some negative effects including skin reddening, swelling or flare ups of dermatitis or acne following facial massage treatments.
- Claim: facial rolling will reduce puffiness of skin and prevent wrinkles
- Cost: you can get a jade roller for around £18
- Why not? It probably won’t cause any harm and it might feel soothing on the skin, but for some people it might trigger skin problem flare ups. The best way to protect your skin is to not smoke and to use a good sunscreen.
4. Crystal Butt Plugs
Yes, there are places on the internet where you can buy chunks of crystal to stick up your behind. Which would be completely fine if it weren’t for all the weird claims about chakras. According to Nymph NYC “black obsidian is definitely one of the strongest soul-cleansing stones” which “resonates with the root chakra”. According to Hindu tantrism the root chakra or Muladhara chakra resides below the coccyx which is why this company recommends the use of a butt plug in order to cleanse it.
It shouldn’t need to be said that there is no evidence of the existence of chakra, no evidence that they need any sort of cleansing and no evidence that crystals can cleanse them.
- Claim: “ORIGIN works energetically by bringing positive and nourishing energy to the root chakra at the buttocks while soaking up years of stagnant and settled negativity”
- Cost: $135
- Why not? Some crystals, such as jade, can be porous. It’s probably not a good idea to stick crystals in your anus. The rectum does not produce any natural lubrication and has very thin skin prone to tearing. Any insertion into this area should be gradual, with the use of a good quality lubricant to prevent damage.
5. Crystal Yoga
A common theme here is that many of these ideas combine pseudosciences. Now, I’m not saying that yoga doesn’t have its benefits. I practice yoga for my strength, flexibility and mental health. But the practice of yoga has its origins in the spiritual and some western yogis make some interesting health claims including that it can help with infertility despite no evidence to support these claims.
But some people claim that you can use crystals to ‘power up’ your yoga practice by lining them along or around your yoga mat. Do You Yoga claim that amethyst will help create serenity and stabilise emotions while moonstone will increase your wisdom. What’s more “If there is a specific stone that you’re attracted to or needing right now, carry it around somehow (pocket, locket, etc.), wear it as a pendant or even as a mala.” And don’t forget to ‘cleanse’ your crystal else it might hold onto negative energy.
- Claim: ‘boost’ your yoga using crystals to “bring a new world of intentions, energies and powers into your life”
- Cost: the cost of a crystal – this can range hugely from a few pounds to several thousand pounds.
- Why not? It probably won’t do you any harm, unless you fall or stand on a crystal during your practice!
