I was taken aback when my mother told me what we paid for my grandfather’s funeral. “I believe the final amount was around $15,000 or more”. $15,000 was no small amount for a single mother with a household of four children and one elderly parent. Yet for my mother, this amount spent was worth it if it meant that my grandfather was peacefully sent off into the afterlife.
When it comes to death, people continue to place an importance on the methods in which they send off their loved ones. Funerals in general are a costly process. On average in Singapore, for a simple cremation or burial, you can expect to pay at least $1,000. But for most, arranging a proper funeral inclusive of sending off rites begins at a minimum of $3,000. One should wonder why we spend so much on a corpse who can no longer appreciate such material rewards.
But before we can delve into the intricacies of Chinese death rituals, it is important to understand the reasoning behind these actions. That is, the belief in the human soul. There is plenty of evidence against the existence of ghosts and spirits, but still, a large part of death-related superstition still runs on the assumption of the existence of the soul and afterlife.
For the Chinese, the need for funeral rites and beliefs stem from the belief of the sentient soul, where these rites act as a form of “sending off” and untethering them from the mortal realm. In Chinese culture, there is a belief that the dead exist in a spiritual plane rather than our mortal one. The Chinese place a high reverence and respect for deceased family members who are believed to have joined their ancestors in the afterlife, but who are said to watch over the remaining living family.
In Taoist beliefs, it is required of living family members to give offerings to the deceased in the form of food, incense, and prayer materials such as joss sticks. The frequency of these offerings, however, can differ for each family.
The Chinese also celebrate a yearly event known as Qing Ming, where families would make trips down to columbariums or graveyards to clean the tablets or graves of their loved ones and ancestors. It is then no wonder that with such a strong belief that the soul is sentient, aware and involved with the living that the Chinese place such importance on keeping the spirits of their ancestors satisfied.
It is not uncommon for people to have prepared for their deaths. In Singapore, one can reserve niches in columbariums or slots in ancestral halls and temples way ahead of their deaths. Oftentimes these are spouses who wish to have their tablets or ashes placed together or next to their loved ones. While the niches would simply remain as a reserved empty slot, tablets that have been reserved are covered with a red cloth and only removed when their owner “moves in”.
Should couples be occupying the same tablet, the name of the living individual will be covered with red tape. It is not uncommon for the living spouse to be recommended this option upon the death of their significant other. My grandmother was more than willing to have her name pre-carved on the stone and covered with that very red tape, as morbid as it might seem.
“For her, death is something natural that would happen sooner or later, and she would want to rest next to someone she loves the most”, my mother explained.
In Singapore, such reservations are often due to a lack of space. Public niches typically cost at least $500 for a random location, with an additional $250 if one wishes to pick a comfortable location for their ashes to rest. For the more religious, private columbariums catered for specific religions offer niches that start at $2,000, and rise to a whopping $10,000. That’s definitely something to consider when planning for post-retirement.
But death is often an uninvited guest, and visits most unexpectedly. In organising the funeral of a late loved one, there are many factors that family members must take note of. The majority of Chinese in Singapore are either Taoist or Buddhist, which would then determine the type of rites and religious figures they are to hire. Various types of rites have different costs, depending on the nature of one’s death. This is especially so for unnatural deaths.
In Singapore, funerals are often held below apartment blocks in the void decks, or at funeral parlors. Chinese funerals mostly follow the same structure; before the coffin there will be the picture of the deceased placed on a table in front of an altar with lit joss sticks and food offerings. Historically, the family would take part in rituals of cleaning and dressing the body before its placement into the coffin, but today this task is mostly performed by undertaking firms.
Before a funeral is opened for visiting by the deceased’s friends, acquaintances and extended relatives, the family must conduct several rituals, to ensure that the soul and body of the deceased is ready for the visiting. Once the body has been prepared by the undertaker, it will be brought and placed into the coffin. During this process, none of the family members are allowed to look at the body. It is believed that this process helps the spirit to move on as they will not feel guilty or unwilling to part with their family members. Then, the eldest son will kneel before the altar table and bow three times in prayer, this process will then be mirrored by the rest of the immediate family in the order of their age.
Usually Chinese funerals last for at least two days, or as much as a week, in which visitation will be open to the deceased’s acquaintances and relatives. During this period of time, hired monks or priests will conduct prayer rituals which mainly consist of the reading of scriptures. Guests may choose to partake in these rituals along with the family members if their religion allows. The chanted scriptures would usually call for repentance of the deceased’s sins, in hopes that they will have a smoother journey through hell. The ritual would function similarly to the pre-funeral ritual, where family members line up with joss sticks in hand and bow in accordance to the monk’s or priest’s instructions. For Taoists, incense paper and offerings will be burnt as well, each of them available in a package, at no small cost. The prayers can last from thirty minutes to over an hour, and the process of kneeling, standing and walking in circles repeatedly would be very draining for the less fit.
On the final day of the funeral, there will be a funeral procession held as the coffin is transferred into the undertaker’s van which will bring it to the cremation centre. The coffin is closed, and no one is allowed to look at the coffin except the undertakers, as it is believed that if one were to look into a closing coffin their soul will be trapped within it. Following which the lead priest or monk will officiate the sending-off ceremony as the bereaved family follows suit behind the van in a procession to officially send off the deceased. This process may or may not be accompanied by Taoist musicians or Buddhist flutes played by monks. Afterwards the family will arrange for transport to take them to the crematorium, where they will say their final farewells.
It is interesting to note that while the majority of death related superstitions apply mostly to the deceased’s immediate family, guests who are visiting are also subject to certain rules that they are obliged to follow to prevent misfortune from befalling upon themselves. To begin with, as a funeral guest you should only dress in dull and dark colours to reflect the act of mourning. Dressing in bright colours is indicative of celebration, and would be an insult to the bereaved family should guests show up wearing something red. You are also obliged to offer condolence money, similar to how you would offer congratulatory money at a wedding. These amounts would go to the costs of the funeral.
Guests leaving the funeral would be required to have a red string tied around their finger, which should fall off or be removed before stepping into their own homes. Buddhist funerals may also have a small sink or pool where guests can wash their arms and face to rid themselves of the negative energy surrounding the funeral. It is believed that doing this would prevent evil spirits drawn by the negative energies of the funeral from following one home.
Much of these superstitions stem from Chinese geomancy and beliefs in yin and yang energy, although it is much more likely that these superstitions are practiced as a form of self-comforting. Almost no one ever feels pleasant after attending a funeral.
Chinese superstitions around death do not just stop once the body has been cremated. For a period lasting approximately a year, or sometimes even two, the family has to follow certain customs strictly in order to avoid incurring misfortune on themselves or angering the spirits.
On the seventh day, it is believed that the spirit of the deceased will return to their familial home, and the family is obligated to cook a full course meal for the spirit as a form of respect. Joss sticks must be left at the door of the house to signal to the spirit where their home is located. It is also believed that if one were to spread flour over the floor, they would see footprints the next day, as proof that the spirit had returned. Aside from that, there would be no physical evidence of a spirit having actually visited. Some claim to have dreamt of their deceased loved ones, yet it is much more likely to chalk it up to a trick of the human mind.
I asked my mother about this practice, and she told me she would rather be ignorant as to whether or not the spirit of my grandfather had indeed returned home.
Subsequently, for the next forty-nine to one hundred days the family is not allowed to wear brightly coloured clothes, to signify that they are still in mourning (Singapore Funeral Group, n.d.). For the next year, they are not allowed to participate in Lunar New Year celebrations and must refrain from visitations during that period as a form of respect to the deceased.
This dedication to the late family members of the Chinese is admirable, yet for the living, it may become taxing to continuously maintain the upkeep of the dead. To start off, food offerings made to the dead are strictly not to be eaten. That means that a good amount of food is thrown away simply because of superstitious beliefs. Much money and effort is spent cooking a meal only to offer it to a tablet, stone niche or simply even a picture that cannot consume and appreciate its flavour.
Incense that is burnt at the funeral and during festivals such as the Hungry Ghost Festival can also be considered frivolous spending. Religious meaning aside, incense burning can be simply put as buying paper to burn it. The action in itself feels rather ludicrous and meaningless without context. Furthermore, an individual’s lifestyle is heavily affected by another’s death as they prevent themselves from celebrations and wearing certain clothing due to superstition. One’s wardrobe is severely limited during the period of mourning.
This then begs the question of who these superstitions are really for. The rites and post-funeral rituals carried out by family members with the idea of allowing their deceased loved one to have a more comfortable afterlife can be seen as a form of dealing with death. Imagining the existence of a spirit that lives on after death is comforting for some in overcoming their grief. Carrying out repeated rituals has been proven to be psychologically comforting to those who have experienced sudden changes in their lives as it creates a safe bubble for family members for them to come to terms with their loss. If we were to put ourselves in the shoes of the bereaved, as I had been once upon a time, spending this great amount of money and resources on a dead person may not be so frivolous after all. Religion, after all, can be a source of comfort for the vulnerable. If one believes in having a grand send-off to honour and say goodbye to their loved one, while at the same time bringing themselves a sense of closure, then what they choose to do with their energy and money is not for to us to judge.
In conclusion, we should take superstitions with a pinch of salt. Death, as elusive a topic as it already is, causes people to think and act irrationally when it takes their loved ones. While the religious beliefs and practices of funerals and post death rituals take a physical and financial toll on the individual, they no doubt bring a piece of mind to the grieving.
In essence, if you can afford it and it makes you feel better, why not have that grand farewell for someone you love. To some, funerals and funerary rites may seem like getting rid of a body with extra steps, but to the bereaved family, it may be like a twenty-one gun salute to a beloved family member.
